Christopher Columbus Sailing the Internet

There certainly are some interesting items out there on that thing called the Internet. There are times when I feel like an explorer venturing into unknown territory just by clicking on that link to Monkey Spunk.com What will I find when I get there? Will it be a site dedicated to the nasty sexual habits of our primate brothers and sisters? Will it feature bizzare ethnic recipes? or could it be a website dealing with the lifestyles of the rich and famous???

It truly boggles the mind. I find that I cannot fight the urge, and in spite of my better judgment and general sense of decency I click the link and get transported to Monkeyspunk.com . I as a matter of purpose will not tell you what I saw there - click the link yourself - explore new frontiers.

It seems it is moments like these where we are explorers and feel what Christopher Columbus felt when he set eyes on his new world. Seems like every nook and crany of our planet earth has been discovered, exploited and available for viewing on Google earth, and it is only through surfing the web we are able to find something new.

For those of you who went to Monkeyspunk.com are you as confused as I am now? What the hell was that all about??? What did I see? Where am I ? Who are you? Will that hurt??

I'm on Humor Blogs.com if you have a moment click the link and rate my blog - I do appreciate it.

BLA

Beaten to death with a blunt instrument

Beaten to death with a blunt instrument. That is how the papers say he met his untimely demise. Thankfully that is a phrase that we likely have not heard uttered, but what do you reckon was the instrument of death?

If I was to beat someone to death with a blunt instrument I'd probably use a French horn or Tuba. Figure it's light enough but I'm wondering if it could stand up to the pounding on some unfortunate person's cranium? I think the worst blunt instrument to use on a killing spree would likely be an accordion. Could you imagine the racket? It would sound like Walter Ostanek falling down a flight of stairs. Imagine the 911 operator who took the call...

"911 what is your emergency?"

"It sounds like my neighbor is being beaten to death with an accordion"

"Sir what you are hearing is called Polka - a genre of dance music popular throughout Europe. It is supposed to sound like that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Sir - I am a trained professional - to be fair Polka music is an acquired taste similar to Brussel Sprouts."

"Oh ok . Thank you"

CLICK

Aha the perfect crime........

I'm on Humor Blogs.com and they are part of the witness protection plan.

Jesus is Coming What Will You Wear?

As the saying goes "Dress to Impress" so if your choice of blouse or pants can sway the decision of the good Lord offering you a ticket to heaven, or a non stop express flight to Lucifer and his cronies what would you wear?

Talk about pressure... Would you risk showing up at final judgment wearing a baggy sweat suit - assuming that Jesus is more concerned about what is in your heart, as opposed to what brand of designer jeans you're wearing? Or would you splurge and cover yourself with bling and holy relics that you purchased off eBay in an attempt to gain favor with the Lord? I'm sure he'd be most impressed with that cheese sandwich that has his mother's image on it.

I think it is safe to say that God likes hats - big hats. Look at the Pope , Cardinals, Bishops etc they all have flashy "show hats" in their wardrobe. They probably have some insider information that we could benefit from. If God likes hats I think heaven will be full of Texans with their big "swallow your whole head" cowboy hat. Hmmm a heaven full of hat wearing Texans...maybe I'll call in sick on judgment day....

Other examples of brilliance(?) such as this cartoon can be seen at one of my websites http://www.geocities.com/davidp_crane
It has not been updated in forever but there are a few gems up there - take a minute to look at the single panel cartoons while you contemplate your wardrobe for the second coming.

BLA!

Celebrity Children - what is the fuss all about?

Is anyone else as tired as I am hearing about Brad and Angelina's newborn twins? They had babies - ok they had twins - but with the plethora of fertility drugs and in vitro fertilization out there, it seems that everyone is having twins now, even 70 year old Indian grandmothers (http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/07/04/grandmother.html).

And why did they not adopt more "Asian" children? Was there not a sale being offered at the orphanage? Or did they already had a complete set? Yeah I know - my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek - but why all the hub bub about celebrity kids? Their kids are the same as our kids albeit on a path of entitlement and platinum visa cards.

This type of global fawning at the feet of celebrities does nothing more then feed their egos and the idea that they are somehow, someway , a better person then us. Total bunk! Nothing would make me happier then if we could boycott all celebrity news shows, tabloids etc. Imagine if there was a red carpet movie premiere and no one showed up to cover it? Maybe then celebrities will realize that they really are not bringing anything of substance to the collective table. They ain't no Mother Theresa or Nelson Mandela.

But alas there seems to be a high population of sheep and lemmings amongst my fellow man so I fear I must lead the boycott against this tripe alone. Who is with me??


Bla!

I'm on Humor Blogs.com check them out.

Traffic Lights - Nature's Great Equalizer

Have you every noticed when you are stuck in a line of cars at a traffic light, that the person at the head of the line , i.e right at the intersection , always seems to be the most genetically and mentally dysfunctional individual out there? I mean clinical studies would show that for this person the successful operation of a toaster, would be stretching their mental muscles - so why the hell are they driving a car and how did they end up at the head of line?. You'll know when one of these mental midgets is in front of you, when you are able to recite Dr Suess' Green Eggs and Ham before their car proceeds into the intersection after the light turns green.

I think that these people use their opportunity at the head of a long line of cars at a busy intersection to get back at us - the rational (?) quick thinking population. Where else are we forced to rely on the actions of the mentally inferior ? They have very few opportunities to "stick it " to us - and God knows we "stick it" to them at every turn if we're able to - They know full well what is going on - They use traffic lights as an opportunity to abuse power - to have others follow their every move, bend to their will. This in itself does not surprise me - what surprises me is that these people are everywhere - every traffic light I'm stuck at..

AHHH Beam me up Scotty - there is not enough intelligent life down here...


BLA