To Catch a Predator - the Vatican Edition

Every time we turn on the TV we are hearing about yet another pedophilic incident involving the Vatican and a violated altar boy. Well it's not going to be getting better any time soon for the old men in their Ivory Towers at the Vatican. Dateline NBC has released news that their vigilante reality show To Catch a Predator has just finished filming a special Vatican City edition.

To Catch a Predator is of course the Dateline NBC reality show where we see "respected members of society" caught in an undercover, underage, sex sting all live and in living color streamed to our living rooms. Television certainly has come a long way from the early days and "Leave it to Beaver" but I digress.

I've had the opportunity to see the Vatican Special and I for one found it quite enlightening.

It was mentioned several times in the show that the Holy Father had an "unholy" and unnatural attraction to former Calvin Klein underwear model Mark Wahlberg. This attraction seems to be more than just tabloid fodder when the NBC cameras focus on an autographed picture of the former model sitting on the bedside table.
It says:
Good God Holy Father you rocked!! - Mark W



I bet Jesus was rolling over in his grave when he say that photo....

The television crew certainly where busy during their stay at the Vatican. In the little time they spent trolling the seedy underbelly of Vatican City they where able to catch an Archbishop, 2 Cardinals and 14 Priests. They said it was like shooting fish in a barrel,or clubbing baby seals on an ice floe.

I did learn one interesting fact during the NBC Special. It seems that that US Department of Justice -the people responsible for the Witness Protection Program will be joining forces with the Vatican.

The Vatican has been so successful when it comes to hiding and relocating pedophile priests that the Department of Justice feels it can use the same practices and processes when it comes to protecting high level informants like Mickey “The Worm” Costelle and Osama Bin Laden

We certainly live in interesting times.....

PC Nazis to take over the world.

Retarded, Stupid and Ugly. Thanks to the Political Correctness Nazis these terms are now considered "offensive" or "degrading" to people who may in fact be - retarded, stupid or ugly.

The PC Nazis will launch campaigns where they implore us to stop using these hurtful phrases, and like the good lemmings we are, these words will soon drop from our vocabulary and dictionary's.

The PC Nazis have given us some scenarios that will help us learn the proper usage of the new PC language. The scenarios are included below.

The Wilson boy down the street is no longer a "retard" even though he eats paste and soils himself on a regular basis - he should now be referred to as a "candidate for political office"

Creepy Mr Wilson is no longer a "Pederast" or "registered sex offender" - but should be referred to as a "respected member of the clergy" or "Holy Father"

People who engage in jihads or campaigns of terror should not be defined with uncomplimentary terms like "Terrorist" or "Jihadist" but should be addressed with the proper terminology - "Former President Bush" and/or "Vice President Cheney"

There will be no more "ugly" or "deformed" people - people will be simply be "in a state of pre-cosmetic surgery"

Thanks to the "PC Nazis" soon there will be no more "stupid people" or "losers". Every child will win every race, and pass every test. The sun will always be shining and the lambs will frolic carefree in the meadows.

Oh what a glorious day that will be. Nobody is different and everybody is a winner. We must embrace the coming of our bland homogeneous world.

It's safe to remove your brains citizens of earth, we won't be needing them anymore....

Jesus is back from the archives

I had tried to get a new post together for the Easter season but kicking heroin is much harder than I thought and I find that I am unable to complete full sentences at the moment - ack blurb duseldorf!

Today's post is dredged from the archives and it deals with the story of Jesus Christ and his love for chocolate eggs.

So sit back, relax and enjoy.



I was having coffee with Jesus the other day at a local cafe - I'm sure you've heard of Jesus , he's the guy whose claim to fame is being the son of God and being able to change water into wine. The whole "son of God thing" can be a bit of a curse Jesus explained to me as he sipped at his non fat soy latte- he in fact compared being the son of God to Paris Hilton being born into the family of Hotel royalty. "You enter into a life of entitlement and open doors because of your family tree. At no time are you given the opportunity to encounter anything remotely "unpleasant". That is why this whole crucifixion episode hurt so much" - Jesus explained wiping a tear from his eye with the corner of his sleeve.

Jesus was a little distressed at how we are celebrating his death and subsequent resurrection during the "Easter" season. He was going on at one point about how he spent 3 days in a dark , dank and musty tomb and how he developed a severe case of both claustrophobia and foot rot. At no time when he was in the tomb did he encounter any rabbits,chocolate eggs or "door crasher specials". He emphasized this point by pounding on the table, which caused his latte to splash onto his robe.

At this point in the conversation an old lady nervously approached our table and gazed upon Jesus. I had seen that look before when I took my daughter to the Jonas Brothers concert last month. This was look of a hard core Jesus fan.

Jesus stopped in mid sentence and turned to the old lady - she seemed to glow when his eyes turned to her. She said nothing but thrust a Sharpie and a notepad at him.

"And to whom shall I make it out to?" Jesus said

The poor old lady was barely able to get out a response "Marilyn" she squeaked.

"To Marilyn - Peace be with you signed JC" - Jesus scrawled on the notepad. He put the cover on the Sharpie and handed them both back to the woman.

She grabbed the notepad and pen and clutched them to her breast - her eyes burning with a renewed religious fervor - "Bless you, oh bless you " she muttered as she turned and walked back into the city.

"You'll probably find that on EBay within the hour" Jesus said shaking his head sadly.

Wiping the latte froth from his mouth the son of God started to talk again about Easter.

"It was by far the toughest part of my life bar none. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies. The whole resurrection bit caused me back problems that plagued me for years after. Lift with your legs not your back - if I knew that when I tried to roll that stone away from the entrance to the tomb, I'd have never developed my addiction to over the counter pain medication"

The conversation was suddenly interrupted with a heavenly chorus of angels.

Jesus reached into his robes and pulled out his Blackberry - pushing a button on the Blackberry the choir of angels stopped. The son of God glanced down at the screen;

"Excuse me I have to get this it's God calling" he said "he wants me to get some of those Chocolate eggs while I'm here. The old man likes those eggs and they only come out once a year. That's really the only reason why I make the trip back to earth in the first place."

With that Jesus drained his latte, shook my hand and wished me well.He promised he would stay in touch. Getting up from the table he strode out of the cafe on his quest for Chocolate Eggs, a man with a purpose.

Amen