Parents wash daughters mouth out with soap and get arrested!
The media is full of stories like these. Stories of parents who use "tough love" techniques in an attempt to discipline their brood of foul mouthed malcontents. These stories never end well for the parents involved. They are usually dragged off to work in a chain gang as a result of an anonymous call to the authorities from a "concerned citizen".
Perhaps you are a parent of a foul mouthed malcontent, or maybe you work with one. Well you can now rest easy knowing that Big Brother has officially entered the child discipline business.
I'm not talking about a Dick Cheney approved Water Boarding kit for little Billy, but rather a 1- 800 number that has been set up for parents to call to get guidance on disciplining their own children.
If we believe the Government's literature on this program they state;
"Parents who are afraid to discipline their children for fear of being arrested can now speak to a certified child law expert. Our experts will let concerned parents know the appropriate level of discipline they can administer for each specific situation."
"Let the punishment fit the crime"
"This hurts me more then it hurts you"
"Spare the rod and spoil the child"
"These are not just phrases from days gone by, but they are an integral part of this departments approach and mandate when it comes to our nation's children"
They have a sample list of appropriate disciplinary responses for some of the more common scenarios. I have included a few below.
Situation: Child throws tantrum in large department store - out of sight of both concerned citizens and security cameras.
Response: Spank the child - place offending party over your knee and strike buttocks firmly until child repents.
Situation: Child throws tantrum in large department store in front of a camera crew from the local TV station.
Response: Hug the offending party - rub their back or head in a reassuring way - make sure the camera crew sees you being such a good parent. Under your breath tell the child that you will be opening up a good old fashioned can o' whoop ass when you get home.
Hmm this is interesting - in the fine print at the bottom of all the legal mumbo jumbo I saw this phrase...
"The techniques and methods applied here are property of the US Government and Guantanamo Bay Naval Base and can not be modified or altered without the written consent of Richard Cheney"
Big Brother - always looking out for our best interests.
