If you where looking at the 2009 Forbes list of richest people, you would see that your parents where wrong when they told you crime doesn't pay. Right up there elbowing for top spot with Bill Gates and Warren Buffet is wanted Mexican drug lord Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman Loera . Take a look at the bottom line for this Mexican drug cartel and it looks like they are more profitable than several African countries and definitely richer then Uncle Sam.
This got me to thinking..
Why don’t Ford, Chrysler and GM approach the drug cartel for a loan instead of Uncle Sam? The cartel’s money is likely better and more socially accepted than the US greenback at the moment.
If the big three where to get a loan from the Mexican cartel there are sure going to be conditions attached.
First of all it is likely that the interest on the loan would be higher and any missed or late payments would mean a visit from the Cartel's "Persuasion" department - large oafs with no necks and extremely violent tendencies.
Every car that the big 3 would manufacturer, would have special hidden compartments that would be used to ferry drugs across international borders. As a result of these hidden compartments, drug sniffing dogs would be trained to identify any Ford, Chrysler or GM vehicle in a line up.
Vehicles equipped with Onstar now could use that service to page their local drug dealer. Dealers would then deliver the order of contraband in 30 minutes or it's free.
Drug dealers and street level pushers would be able to offer great deals for new customers. Buy 1/4 lb of cocaine and get a free mini van. With everyone soon driving a mini van it would be hard to tell if your neighbor was a soccer mom or they had acquired an appetite for the "Devil's dander"
Random mini van searches by Police would find few drug users but lots of cup holders and leg room.
The obscene amounts of money the cartel is making makes me wish that I had paid attention in high school chemistry class. Maybe if I had I would be running a meta amphetamine cartel now, and worrying about how I could possibly spend all my money. But instead I find myself writing humor blogs and looking in public fountains for loose change.
Oh what could have been - sigh
3 comments:
I think that's why the big three went to the government to get money. They're using it to keep up with the interest payments to the cartel.
One thing is for sure, the Cartel would not care how the money was spent - go ahead, give out those top dollar bonuses even though you ran the company into the ground. Further, cars would now come equipped with a gun! How handy.
I could NEVER sell drug!
Because I'd bogart the product...
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