Hansel and Gretel was one of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales that I am sure most of us grew up reading. A story of two children who where abandoned by their parents, and ventured deep into the forest only to fall into the clutches of an evil witch who had visions of cooking them up in the oven - the story taking place prior to the invention of the "Set it and Forget it" rotisserie grill.
The children where intrigued by the house that the witch lived in - a quaint little gingerbread affair with gumdrops on the roof and icing for the windows. OK stop right there! What child today is going to be enticed by a house made out of pastry? Other then that portly kid at the end of the block - kids today are smarter, more educated in the ways of the world and not apt to give a gingerbread house a second look. Does this mean that the age of the Fairy Tale is over? Perhaps not. Fairy Tales may just need to get updated to relate to today's youth.
So we can all agree that a Gingerbread house is not likely to cause the children of today to stray off the path of the righteous - but what type of housing would?
I'm thinking at the very least the witch's house should have a wi-fi hotspot, a fridge full of Red Bull, streaming Internet, and a Facebook or Twitter presence. The outside walls of the witch's house are likely to be covered in graffiti from the rival gangs that roam the dark forest.
Come to think of it the house is likely not to be located in a forest at all as most kids never venture far from their couch every day.
It's when we try to modernize Hansel and Gretel that the story starts to fall apart.The parents wanted to abandon the kids in the forest in the original story - now parents are forced to sell their children on E-Bay or hope that Brad and Angelina have room for one more.
In our updated version of the story, it is likely that the witch will die in a hail of gunfire as little Hansel will be packing a glock, and will not put up with any of her shenanigans. Gretel on the other hand will take all the witch's prescription drugs and be selling them to school children to help feed her own habit.
Happily ever after indeed....
5 comments:
Man, you are back with a vengence!
And the moral will be not to judge witches, as they have a right to their religious preference.
Yea, then Hansel will not even give me a discount even though I've been her customer for years.
Little brats.
Welcome back Dave.
This is absolutely hilarious, as is the rest of your blog that I've managed to read so far! I found you via Etta Rose's blogpost Sunday Silliness, I do love that woman for that weekly post. I've found so many good bloggers to add to my reading list!
Cheers Dave, I'll be back ;)
Janet - Glad you like it :)
Shawn - Good point - Witches need to be preserved and protected like the spotted owl....
Kevin - it's been a few years since Hansel has been in her prime - me thinks you should just move on
Skye - glad you like it - hope to see you back again . take a dig through the archives there are some gems hidden in there I think
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