A primer for Newbie Nudists

Imagine that you wake up tomorrow to find out that society as you and I know it has changed. The society that we knew, has decided to pass a law banning anyone wearing clothes – that’s right we now are living in a nudist society…

The above scenario got me thinking about the pros and cons of living in a nudist society. I have tried to outline a few items below in the event the “no pants” law every does get passed in your community. This list will give you a step up on the former clothes wearing society that we are currently familiar with.

Not needing to wear clothes anymore may sound liberating but it would have a terrible effect on the already weakened retail sector. We currently place such a large part of who and what we are as people on the clothes we wear. Not having that option anymore will see a path of destruction that cuts through the malls of America and reaches all the way down to the sweatshops of deepest darkest Peru.

Large Corporations such as The Gap and Nike who rely on the dexterous fingers of 8 year olds to produce their goods, will see their empires crumble. The whole child labor industry will be reduced to churning out Happy Meal toys. One small step for man….

If we are to all live in a nudist society I think it very likely that our overall health will improve. Allow me to explain.

Wearing clothes gives us an advantage to hide any unslightly bulges and bumps, but in the new nudist society all of us would be exposed for the discriminating public to gawk.

Can you think of a better motivating factor to put down the Big Mac and to finally pick up some healthy eating and exercise habits, then nosy neighbors peeking at all your “naughty bits”? I didn’t think so.

With so much of humanity now being paraded naked in front of us each day – it will have an impact on the plethora of “B” “C” and “D” list celebrities that rely on impromptu displays of public nudity to get some coverage in the press. Does this mean that we can put the whole “wardrobe malfunction” thing behind us now? And will Paris and Lilo now fade away into obscurity? Please God….

Cities will be rezoned based on how beautiful the people are who live there. Now living on the “wrong side of the tracks” means that you are horribly disfigured rather then destitute or a criminal.

I admit that it will be hard to adjust to a nudist society – I for one am not looking forward to sitting on a vinyl car seat cover in the hot, dog days of summer. You thought the commute was bad before – you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Still wearing pants - Dave