Mothers Day - not all that it seems

Mothers Day - the perfect "Hallmark" holiday. The holiday that came out of a Norman Rockwell picture if you believe the tripe the advertisers are pitching. Can anyone out there relate to the "Wholesome" family image being portrayed in the Mother's Day commercials? Kids are cute, both the father and mother are beautiful, and the dog is a golden retriever.

You don't even have to look but you know that the family depicted in the commercials, live in the burbs, have a picket fence and drive a mini van. ACK!

I hate to be the one to bring this up, but everything is not exactly as it seems on TV. Allow me to explain.

What the camera does not show you in this slice of "Wholesome Family Values" is the huge wad of bills that little Billy got from peddling his grandmother's painkillers to his classmates.

Nor do we see the needle marks on Mother's arms. Those are tastefully hidden behind the vase of tulips on the table. In the 60's The Rolling Stones sang about Mother's little helper -
"Kids are different today, I hear ev'ry mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down
And though she's not really ill, there's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day"

Well instead of pills the Mom of the new millennium needs a syringe of high grade heroin to give here the energy she needs to help her fulfill her duties as soccer mom.

Dad - well he's having an affair with his secretary and is thinking of fleeing the country.

Little Suzie - surely she can't be tainted in any way? She is the family princess and pure as Ivory soap.

Hate to break it to you campers, but Little Suzie has a successful web cam empire running a stable of underage school girls that cater to the repressed needs of the "All American Dad". Business is booming and she is looking to expand her market and target the clergy. If the Vatican was worried about the new Angels & Demons film, they ought to be more concerned about Little Suzie and her plan to take over the world.

You would think that this would kill the dream of the"typical American family" but no. People love the idea of the perfect family and like to hold out hope that indeed that family is out there somewhere. People strive to achieve this lofty goal. I think the first step in achieving this goal is to have the right pet. This afternoon I'm getting a Golden Retriever, and after that I will put a new coat of paint on my picket fence.