Achieving Immortality through snack foods

"I pledge allegiance to our Twinkie overlord. May his creamy filling and flaky goodness continue to flourish. Amen"

That's what they will be saying soon about me - just you wait and see.

I am writing this latest post from within the comfy confines of my ACME brand hermetically sealed bubble. The media has stirred us up to a level of hysteria not seen since the infamous Princess Diana and Mother Theresa pictorial in Playboy.

Swine Flu is everywhere. The death of mankind is imminent! Civilization will be wiped out leaving nothing but cockroaches and Twinkies to dance on our corpses!

I ask you this - how the hell did Twinkies get everlasting life? Everlasting life is the mythical holy grail that is sought after by Celebrities and the obscenely rich.

You would think that whomever invented the Twinkie knew about the lifesaving properties of this delicious snack food. Could that scientist have injected some of that irresistible creamy filling into their veins in their quest to become a God? I shudder at the thought.

I'm sure right now there is a secret society where members of the global elite get together once a year to inject themselves with the "nectar of the Twinkie" to ensure immortality.

I lack the technology to successfully inject "Twinkie Nectar" into my veins. But I plan to gorge on them non stop in the hopes that my molecular structure will change to that of a Twinkie.

It's been three weeks since I started my feast on Twinkies and it's unclear whether I have been successful in achieving immortality. The irony is it would take a global catastrophe for me to recognize my success. In the meantime I will stay here in my hermetically sealed bubble, and eagerly watch as the news reports show the destruction of mankind. State by state, country by country.

It is only when the TV station finally goes off the air, that I will emerge from my cocoon and show the remaining cockroaches that I am their GOD!

Oh they will worship me or I will have them all whipped....