Seal Hunting Revised

The Seal Hunt - yes you read it right, that ritual when grown men get together with heavy pointy clubs and beat cute little baby seals to death. If you are a card carrying member of PETA, or a fan of Sir Paul McCartney, you are likely outraged at the senseless slaughter that happens each year. Well an organization has decided to do something about the seal hunt - read on....

The Association for Bludgeoning Baby Animals or ABBA has decided to implement some rules and regulations that it's card carrying members need to strictly adhere too if they wish to retain membership privileges.

The main talking points are outlined below along with explanations where applicable.

Mobility:

When a seal is out of the water it's overall mobility is severely restricted making it a much easier target for a "clubbin". To compensate for the seals lack of mobility it is now required that all ABBA members must drink several shots of corn liquor prior to starting to hunt. The amount of shots that are needed by each member will be determined by body weight and tenure in the club.

The minimum alcohol requirement for each ABBA member will be 10 ounces per year in the club. So if you have been in the club for two years, then you are required to drink 10 X 2 shots of corn liquor. Having the more experienced members drink larger quantities levels the playing field dramatically.



SEAL DECOYS:

Scattered randomly on the ice flows will be seal decoys that are filled with ball bearings and high explosives. Crushing in the head of one of these decoys will activate the high explosive charge, causing the decoy to spew it's ball bearing cargo over a wide area causing possible death and destruction to any hunter silly enough to fall for the ruse.

PETA MEMBERS: - Members of organizations such as PETA, and high profile celebrities like Sir.Paul will no longer be exempt from meeting the business end of a hunters club. Members of these organizations will now have a choice prior to be deposited in amongst the seals.

Their choices are as follows:

1. A megaphone and live internet feed that will broadcast their message to the world - but they have to wear leg shackles that will severely restrict their ability to out run an angry hunter

2. A list of addresses for card carrying members of ABBA, along with a genuine sealing club to use on the ABBA members. There is a catch though - Every time an ABBA member gets attacked by a radical - 10 seals will have cosmetics tested on them, and one baby seal will be adopted by Brad and Angelina.

I think these new rules level the playing field for both the seal and the hunter. It won't be long before seal hunting becomes the hottest Pay Per View craze eclipsing Boxing and MMA in regards to revenue generated.