Pin the tail on the house wife....

As any dog owner can attest, it is possible to know how your pet is feeling by looking at their tail.

For those of you who do not have dogs "Tails" are usually located at the rear end of the dog - that is the end without eyes, and they can range in size from a few inches to several feet.

Body Language based on tail position examples:

Tail Position: Straight out from body. = AGGRESSIVE

Tail Position: Partially lowered. = ANXIOUS

Tail Position: Up.Wagging. = CURIOUS/EAGER/ EXCITED

Tail Position: Wagging vigorously. = HAPPY/PLAYFUL

I'm sure you will agree that this can be a very helpful tool in regards to determining your dog's mood and attitude.

I would like to propose that we consider surgically implanting tails onto women. Speaking as a man who has been in a long term relationship with a female with 3 daughters ,a surgically implanted tail could have saved me much grief and needless arguments.

Women are a more complex species - admit it guys we're not that complicated. Give us cleavage and fatty foods and we're eating out of your hand.

But women are a different breed entirely. A violent hormone induced tsunami lies just beneath the surface, ready to be engulf the next hapless male victim. There is no sign of the impending destruction. On the surface everything seems calm. Perhaps a surgically implanted tail could avert a tragedy and give the man a chance to survive?

These surgically implanted tails could help rebuild the "family unit", reduce the divorce rate,and ultimately save society.

With such a big up side should we not at least consider this option?

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:

My idea of a tail for females that would reflect their moods is not as far fetched as I originally thought. I stumbled across the follow product from the fine people at Kiluck corp.  Seems they have developed a wearable tail that will reflect your mood. Exactly what I was looking for. Ok now it's time to raise the limit on my credit card and get a boatload of these tails for family and friends.

Think I'm making this up see for yourself....

Pin the Tail on the Housewife is now reality

May not be exactly as advertised - Buyer Beware

This post is on our cultures current obsession with plastic surgery - all done with the intention of making you look years younger, look hotter etc.

What plastic surgery really does now, is just confuse the hell out of any potential admirers. Are those her real breasts - or am I simply salivating over bags of saline??

So many people are having surgery now, that it should be mandatory for the plastic surgery obsessed members of our society, to carry a card that states that they have had extensive surgery and are not exactly as advertised. Perhaps it could include a checklist so people can see that this person is not a natural Adonis but rather a walking bill board for Dr Gonzales' home of the $20 butt lift.

I submit as evidence your honor a list of the plastic surgery being conducting now - list is provided courtesy of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons - and you know they would not lie..

* breast augmentation or enlargement
* breast implant removals
* breast lift
* buttock lift
* chin, cheek, or jaw reshaping (facial implants or soft tissue augmentation)
* dermabrasion
* eyelid lift
* facelift
* forehead lift
* hair replacement/transplantation
* lip augmentation
* liposuction
* lower body lift
* nose reshaping
* thigh lift
* tummy tuck
* upper arm lift
* Botox injections
* cellulite treatment
* chemical peel
* plumping/collagen or fat injections (facial rejuvenation)
* laser skin resurfacing
* laser treatment of leg veins

Breasts are the top three surgeries listed - no surprise there. I'm sure that us men and our peanut sized brains are responsible for that somehow. Women - if you show a man some serious cleavage, he will lose the ability to speak and turn into a drooling, frothing at the mouth imbecile.

It's a rare thing to see a natural beauty nowadays. Could you imagine for a moment the singles bar if this plastic surgery card was in place? Me thinks that there would be less cougar sightings.....

They got the fat sucked out of their ass over at Humor Blogs.com