My ship has finally come in....

Well tonight when I logged in to get my email I was happy to see that I had been chosen by some wealthy Solomon Island native to be showered with gold rupees ,pesos or drachmas (not sure what the currency is in the Solomon Island) but never the less my ship has finally come in. I have included below my lucky email along with my responses (in bold) to my new benefactor.




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Mrs Gift Clement
From Solomon Island
Avenue 8450

Hello my dear ,

This message might come to you as a supprised. I am Mrs Gift Clement from Solomon Island. I am married to Mr.Clement William from UK who worked in UK Embassy in GUINEE for nine years before he died in the year 2000.

We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian.

I am sorry that my current lifestyle has little similarity to the one shared by you and the former Mr. Clement William. I am a practicing Satanist currently under house arrest. I was found responsible for killing and dismembering several spammers. The people who send you emails about Penis size and Nigerian Bank accounts. Not the people who have acquired a taste for the canned meat


Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. Pshaw - the bible is so last years news. If you want a book that will change your life - subscribe to TV Guide.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $4.5 Million in a bank recently, my DOCTOR told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church,organization or good person that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in.

I want a Muslim or church,organization or good person that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of Allah/God is maintained. --That fact I am a convicted murderer of spammers has made me an honored citizen in most US states, so it should bode well for meeting your criteria for being a "good person"

I have little desire to get an orphan as I am neither a celebrity or a member of Hollywood's elite. I'm not familiar with either the house of God, or Allah for that matter, but the house of Dave could do with a makeover. I will send you photos of my home reno after I have received your check.

l took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not good at all because they are the one that killed my husband in other to have all my late husband prperties and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in badly way.

This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord.Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace".

I'm not sure about the Lord fighting the good fight for you - but according to Perez Hilton.com the Jonas brothers are really just holographic images designed by a Wall St marketing firm to appeal to the valuable tween demographic. Sorry I interrupted, you where saying...Please go on.....

I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank. I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund.

I want you and the Muslim or church or other organization to always pray for me because the almighty is my shephard.
Speaking of shepherds...that reminds me of a joke I heard once. "Why did God invent women?" "Because sheep can't cook" BADA BING!

My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian.Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.Please never disclose this convenant to anyone ok.

I won't disclose our correspondence but I may post it on my blog - I imagine that would be ok eh?

I will need the below information to enable me forward it to my bank so that they will contact you immediately:-

(1) Your complete names - my friends call me Dave but I am thinking of changing it to one of the lesser known elements from the periodic table. Caesium has a nice ring to it I think.

(2)Your house address I'm currently living out of a VW van parked at the corner of Bridge and Maple. It's the rust colored one. Just knock and I'll let you in.

(3).Company name if any. Former CEO of GM

(4).Private telephone number I'm living in a F*&^%$ VW van- do you think I have a phone or fax?

(5) Private fax number you're starting to annoy me with all your questions

(6) Private email address --I'm warning you.

(7) Your brief profile - I'm a very angry convicted murderer who is upset over the fact that your questions are revealing deficiencies in my life. I'm a 30 something year old man living in a van - without a phone or fax???

(8) Your Photograph - Take a look on Interpol for a recent photo

(9) Your bank account. I had all my money in real estate that is why I'm now living in a van.


Please do keep the confidential of this transaction for my funds security reason otherwise i will look for another perosn right? Once again, remember to always been in your computer because delay is not good for my health i can die any day so you should get back to me as to forward your information to my bank so that they will transfer these funds before i die.

Thanks and Remain blessed.
Mrs Gift Clement.

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Sounds legit don't you think? I reckon I'll send it off and see what it gets me. Hey if you want to forward any of the spam you are receiving I figure you can send it to Mrs Clement in the Solomon Islands at gift_clements4@yahoo.com Gives her something to read on her death bed.