I was out of the house early this morning before anyone else got up. I know today was Father's Day and I was probably ruining a little boy's plans by leaving early but I had to close the Paterson deal if I wanted to keep putting food on the table and a Lexus in the driveway. My son Josh could always get therapy - paid for through my company benefits if my leaving early had a negative impact on his life.
My drive into work went smoothly. There was less traffic then usual at this early hour. I know in a few hours the highways and city streets would be plugged with car loads of guilt ridden offspring ferrying dear old dad to a greasy spoon diner for breakfast, or to the golf course for an early morning tee off.
When I arrived at work I could see that I was the first one here, even my boss Mr Weeds had not made it in yet. Mr. Weeds was a notorious workaholic and made promotions based on how big the bags under your eyes where.
I had been working at the head office of Fleece Uncouth Cockman and Knight (FUCK) for over 15 years now. I had all the trappings of a successful executive. The large house with the well manicured lawn in the 'burbs, the obligatory Lexus in my driveway, a distant and alcoholic wife and a son and daughter who where raised by nannies and Dr Phil. Yeah if you listen to corporate America I had made it.
I suppose there are those of you out there that think I should feel bad for missing an overcooked breakfast prepared by my children. To you I say this, with the surge in technological advancements and electronic doo dads out there on the market place it's now easier than ever before to connect with your children from the office.
Today on Father's Day it's true that I missed getting woken up by my children as they offered me a plate of burnt offerings, but I can turn on my webcam here at work and see the children as they tip toe into my room to shower me with Ties and Macaroni Art. Later while I prepare for the business meeting I can get regular Twitter updates - tweets I believe they are called, about what is happening at my breakfast table. "We're having pancakes" and "Mom can't find the corkscrew" It'll be just like being there. Thanks to technology I can experience Father's Day with my family from my prestigious corner office at Fleece Uncouth Cockman and Knight.
When I finally close the Paterson deal we'll upgrade our wireless plan to include unlimited texting so we can stay even closer as a family - OMG LOL
2 comments:
Ah, that fine line between satire and "Hey, I bet that guy driving in the Lexus next to me while on the cell is working on the Patterson deal." :)
What is the deal with those GD Patterson's anyways? Just feed them money, your soul and sign on the bottom line. You remembered to read the small print? On the West coast it is the Pattison's!
I suppose if you can't put them to bed, then you may as well jump in!
Post a Comment