The Four Horsepeople of the Apocalypse

During this latest media induced crisis, a time when our thoughts turn to death, pandemics,pestilence and plagues. My thoughts of course turned to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse - do you think it's time that they updated their preferred mode of transportation? Who rides horses anymore? It's so 1800's. And their whole schtick of being "harbingers of doom" --woo woo - is getting a bit old. Time to dust off the horsemen and update their image.

Seeing as the horsemen are agents of death it's not likely that they will be driving an environmentally sound choice like a Toyota Prius as their preferred vehicle. I'm thinking they will be driving souped up dune buggies like the ones seen in the Mad Max films. Vehicles that belch out clouds of noxious ozone destroying pollutants and run exclusively on leaded gasoline. Actually the vehicles wont run on gasoline at all, but they will run on a highly explosive mixture made out of kittens and song birds.



Times have changed and I for one think that the horsemen would find greater success if they replaced some of their numbers with females. I know that if I ever saw a shrieking woman driving a kitten powered toxin spewing vehicle of destruction, I for one would welcome death. We all know the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" and I'm sure we have all met some women that makes us pause for a moment and wonder if Hell can really be all that bad...



The traditional four horsemen of the apocalypse - now referred to as "the horsepeople of the apocalypse" came bearing gifts of war,famine,pestilence and death - well the new horsepeople will bring a more updated assortment of goodies for public consumption.

Pestilence and death will be replaced by Spoiled lunch meat and Swine Flu.

New vulnerabilities in mankind will be exploited by the horsepeople.

With a push of a button the horsepeople will be able to release millions of gallons of peanut oil from their vehicles. Those with peanut allergies will be swept away in the oily wall of death, while those remaining will be forced to swim for their lives or perish in a sea of peanuty goodness.

Thanks to the wonder of modern technology we will be able to witness the swath of death and destruction inflicted by the horsepeople via breaking news updates on CNN.

I wonder if the Horsepeople are on Twitter? Maybe I’ll send them a quick note and see if they can pay a "special" visit to the people on my list. They are all worthy candidates for a visit. The people who started the idea of being "Politically Correct" are at the top of my list, along with the inventors of Muzak and Reality TV. Maybe I'll include an episode of The Bachelor or Rock of Love so the Horsepeople have the proper motivation when they come a calling.