Swine Flu and my visit to the vet

I woke up yesterday morning with a burning fever,runny nose and sore throat. I tried to take a quick audit of my activities over the past 24 hours. Was I simply suffering from another bout of self inflicted "over indulgence" or rather something more exotic?

I did not see the tell tale signs of over indulgence when I glanced around my living room. No empty boxes of wine, no cigarette burns on the rug, no dirty syringes left lying around, and the cat was not cowering under the couch in fear. Based on the preliminary evidence my dear Dr.Watson, I'd say I may be suffering from something more exotic.

I put my symptoms into Google and waited to see what came back. Hmm this was interesting - based on my search results I may have the Mexican Swine flu. I find this unlikely as I do not even know any Mexicans. Swine , yes I know a few but that was a long time ago in high school. Google says it could be part of a pandemic - that sounds serious.

Not wanting to be ostracized any further by society I decided to give my doctor a call.

After telling my doctors obnoxiously happy receptionist about my symptoms, she immediately cleared his afternoon so I could come in.

When I reached my doctors office I was ushered into a very sterile room and poked, prodded and probed by a huge army of people covered in Haz mat suits. After the round of testing was complete, I was locked in a room and waited for my test results to come back from the lab.

There was some confusion when my test results came back. My doctor has a small family practice, so he was not up to snuff on the latest exotic diseases. He found it necessary to call in professional help to interpret my test results. The only person that was available to assist my doctor on such short notice was my vet Dr. Gooyduck.

The two doctors, well one doctor and one vet if you want to get specific, hummed and hawwed about my test results. There seemed to be some confusion about what exactly may be effecting me. Possible diagnosis where being tossed around at a fast and furious pace.

"Look at his bow legs - it's rickets or scurvy I tell you" my doctor exclaimed

"Nonsense - look at the crazed look in the patients eyes - he has feline distemper" Dr Gooyduck responded.

"Rickets!"
"Feline Distemper!"
"Rickets!"
"Swine Flu!"

I was worried that this would go on all afternoon but the two learned men decided to settle my fate with a best two out of three contest of rock,paper,scissors. A brief time out was called so the two men could concoct their strategies, and then the games began.

The rocks,paper,and scissors flew at a frantic pace, spittle flew from the two men's lips and their eyes bulged dangerously from their sockets when they played the game.

When the dust settled and a victor was declared, I was finally able to make an appointment for my treatment.

Next Thursday I have an appointment with Dr Gooyduck for my shots, and a deworming. My wife tried to convince Dr Gooyduck to have me neutered as well, but thankfully he thought better of it.