Well this weekend here in Canada is the Victoria Day long weekend. Victoria Day was originally instituted to commemorate Queen Victoria’s birthday but now symbolizes the traditional start of camping season and opening up the cottages.
What you consider “camping” I suppose is defined based on what demographic group you fall into.
For those of you who are between the ages of 16 – 25 – “Camping” is a simple process. It may or may not involve a tent or any camping equipment at all. It will include lots of alcohol, drugs and a veritable pharmacy of mind altering stimulants the like not seen since Grandma’s hip replacement. Food is an item that is often forgotten entirely. In fact people would rather fill the remaining space in their already overloaded vehicles with the aforementioned drugs and alcohol rather then bring along silly items like food.
At the end of a weekend camping, you can expect to have several bruises and possible broken bones that where a result of you trying to find your inner “Captain Morgan”. It is also possible that you will be shunned by members of the opposite sex for the remainder of your adult life based solely on your enthusiastic review of the latest Star Trek film.
The stories, and injuries that come about as a result of these mayhem fueled weekends will follow you for years. The statute of limitations though, that varies based on your district – contact your local authorities to see when can put that “incident with the donkey” behind you.
For the demographic group 26 – 55 your camping experiences are much closer to what you may see in commercials. Your camping adventures will be filled with, fishing with the kids, cooking dinner over an open fire and singing songs around the campfire. Could this be the idyllic camping adventures that people reminisce about?
Alas dear friends there is more to your camping adventures then what is shown in commercials. Some of the camping excitement that is not often depicted in any advertising campaigns are the following;
- Removing a fishing lure from the ear lobe of a hapless family member as a result of an erratic cast by an enthusiastic 8 year old.
- applying ointment to your “nether regions” as a result of squatting in a patch of poison ivy.
- Dad severing a major artery whilst trying to clean the fish little Billy caught.
- And Mom polishing off the “cooking wine” and nearly drowning in the lake.
Oh the memories……
For those of you over the age of 55, camping is defined as going into your impeccably manicured backyard and reminiscing over icy cold refreshments about camping mishaps of yesteryear.
Government studies have shown that it is statistically safer to pitch a tent in your living room, cook up a plate of fish sticks and watch reruns of "Dancing with the Stars" rather then venture off into the great unknown. The only thing that could possibly come close to the excitement of camping, may be stuffing live kittens down your pants and going to a Michael Vick dog fight.
Let this post serve as a lesson for the generations that will come after us. Leave the great outdoors to the spotted owls and grizzly bears. Stay inside where it's safe.
8 comments:
Yeah, I can hardly wait...We go camping every year to Algonquin park, and every year, I dread it. Although I love it for the kids, it's murder, I tell you. It should be outlawed for anyone over 40...
I used to love going camping. I grew up going with my parents. The hubs is the one that hates it. I scare the shit out of him by climbing every rock outcropping there is. Dangling over a precipice is awesome.
Camping is wonderful! I have the greatest spot in the world for it too. It's just down in the valley below Silver's place, and that means that I can sleep in the cabin instead of outdoors with the bugs :D I did end up with a bout of Poison Ivy last year though. I made the mistake of walking barefoot where I knew it was there, but since it had never bothered me before, I thought there'd be no problem. Boy, was I wrong...lol.
Hmm, I'm still very firmly in the 16-25 camping demographic, it seems.
I love camping - with my 16-25 year old kids and their friends:) Then I get to act like them; It is no fun camping responsibly; I know - I have tried, lots of times...
And now that I am so close to 55, camping at the nearest Hilton Garden Inn is sounding like an adventure I may enjoy in the not too far off future.
Dave - what goes on the road, stays on the road - how did you hear about the wine and my brush with death in the lake?
Mary - there is rumblings that the PC crowd is thinking of banning camping - too much hardship, stress bla bla
Ettarose - dangling off a precipice puts you clearly in the 16 - 25 demographic -
Skye - poison ivy on your foot or on your" bottom" is unpleasant no matter how you look at it
Tiggy - do you find it hard portaging into the wilderness carrying your keg? I've always found it a good upper body workout
Phillipia - I heard in some of the Hilton Gardens your room comes with a mini bar...mmmmh mini bar
Janet - I found your "episode" with the cooking wine on You Tube - I did not mention any names in my posting so your secret is safe with me
My youth of camping involved a five-year-old me sleeping in the loft of my parent's Family Wagon and being unable to get down... thus wetting the bed...
And being scared to death that the campground trees were going to go all Day of the Triffids on me.
But there was Yoo-hoo and sugary breakfast cereals, so in Kid-Thinking it almost balanced out.
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