Well this weekend here in Canada is the Victoria Day long weekend. Victoria Day was originally instituted to commemorate Queen Victoria’s birthday but now symbolizes the traditional start of camping season and opening up the cottages.
What you consider “camping” I suppose is defined based on what demographic group you fall into.
For those of you who are between the ages of 16 – 25 – “Camping” is a simple process. It may or may not involve a tent or any camping equipment at all. It will include lots of alcohol, drugs and a veritable pharmacy of mind altering stimulants the like not seen since Grandma’s hip replacement. Food is an item that is often forgotten entirely. In fact people would rather fill the remaining space in their already overloaded vehicles with the aforementioned drugs and alcohol rather then bring along silly items like food.
At the end of a weekend camping, you can expect to have several bruises and possible broken bones that where a result of you trying to find your inner “Captain Morgan”. It is also possible that you will be shunned by members of the opposite sex for the remainder of your adult life based solely on your enthusiastic review of the latest Star Trek film.
The stories, and injuries that come about as a result of these mayhem fueled weekends will follow you for years. The statute of limitations though, that varies based on your district – contact your local authorities to see when can put that “incident with the donkey” behind you.
For the demographic group 26 – 55 your camping experiences are much closer to what you may see in commercials. Your camping adventures will be filled with, fishing with the kids, cooking dinner over an open fire and singing songs around the campfire. Could this be the idyllic camping adventures that people reminisce about?
Alas dear friends there is more to your camping adventures then what is shown in commercials. Some of the camping excitement that is not often depicted in any advertising campaigns are the following;
- Removing a fishing lure from the ear lobe of a hapless family member as a result of an erratic cast by an enthusiastic 8 year old.
- applying ointment to your “nether regions” as a result of squatting in a patch of poison ivy.
- Dad severing a major artery whilst trying to clean the fish little Billy caught.
- And Mom polishing off the “cooking wine” and nearly drowning in the lake.
Oh the memories……
For those of you over the age of 55, camping is defined as going into your impeccably manicured backyard and reminiscing over icy cold refreshments about camping mishaps of yesteryear.
Government studies have shown that it is statistically safer to pitch a tent in your living room, cook up a plate of fish sticks and watch reruns of "Dancing with the Stars" rather then venture off into the great unknown. The only thing that could possibly come close to the excitement of camping, may be stuffing live kittens down your pants and going to a Michael Vick dog fight.
Let this post serve as a lesson for the generations that will come after us. Leave the great outdoors to the spotted owls and grizzly bears. Stay inside where it's safe.
