As Dumb as a Shovel

There was a time when mankind was capable of great things.
Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered new lands, Einstein had his theory of relativity and Bill Gates made the computer. But alas I fear that the time of mankind being at the top of the proverbial mental food chain have come to an end.

In days of yore we had Shakespeare's Hamlet saying those famous words -

"To be or not to be that is the question. 
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer 
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune, 
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles etc etc.....

Thanks to a regular diet of TV shows like " Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" you can hear gems like:

 "Please, women that are of voluptuous size, put some clothes on ... All that vajiggle jaggle is not beauteous." 

Huh? Why do I feel like I suddenly forgot how to tie my shoes??

We are in an age where we are experiencing an extreme atrophy of our brains.

 I think the time is right for me to take my place in the medical journals and be the first person to donate their living brain.

How can I survive without a brain you ask? It's not that difficult. For starters I'm a man and as any woman will tell you we have small walnut sized brains to start with - and we think with our genitals so we can afford to give up our brain.

How often am I going to be doing complex algebraic equations anyways? That's just it I'm not!  Another reason not to have a brain. With all the mind numbing drivel that populates the TV and the Inter web I can't see that anyone  will need their brain anymore.

 Yup - Yes Siree I'm gonna donate my brain to science and be as dumb as a shovel. Maybe when I'm as dumb as a shovel I will be able to understand the appeal of Jersey Shore....

Royalty on Display

Everyone by now has heard about the chaos the naked photos of the Duchess of Cambridge have caused the royal family. The royal family has in fact sued the publisher of the photos for breach of privacy. Well this morning it seems there have been more naked photos of the royals published. No not more photos of Prince Harry's Charlie Sheen inspired escapades, but rather a very revealing photo of his dear old grandmother - or as us common folk call her - "The Queen" It was only a few hours after the photos of the Queen where leaked that the people of merry old England, launched a lawsuit of their own suing the magazine publishers for "mental and emotional anguish" Think they are exaggerating - take a look below and see for yourself.

Thankfully at this moment there are have been no more photos published.

Pin the tail on the house wife....

As any dog owner can attest, it is possible to know how your pet is feeling by looking at their tail.

For those of you who do not have dogs "Tails" are usually located at the rear end of the dog - that is the end without eyes, and they can range in size from a few inches to several feet.

Body Language based on tail position examples:

Tail Position: Straight out from body. = AGGRESSIVE

Tail Position: Partially lowered. = ANXIOUS

Tail Position: Up.Wagging. = CURIOUS/EAGER/ EXCITED

Tail Position: Wagging vigorously. = HAPPY/PLAYFUL

I'm sure you will agree that this can be a very helpful tool in regards to determining your dog's mood and attitude.

I would like to propose that we consider surgically implanting tails onto women. Speaking as a man who has been in a long term relationship with a female with 3 daughters ,a surgically implanted tail could have saved me much grief and needless arguments.

Women are a more complex species - admit it guys we're not that complicated. Give us cleavage and fatty foods and we're eating out of your hand.

But women are a different breed entirely. A violent hormone induced tsunami lies just beneath the surface, ready to be engulf the next hapless male victim. There is no sign of the impending destruction. On the surface everything seems calm. Perhaps a surgically implanted tail could avert a tragedy and give the man a chance to survive?

These surgically implanted tails could help rebuild the "family unit", reduce the divorce rate,and ultimately save society.

With such a big up side should we not at least consider this option?

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:

My idea of a tail for females that would reflect their moods is not as far fetched as I originally thought. I stumbled across the follow product from the fine people at Kiluck corp.  Seems they have developed a wearable tail that will reflect your mood. Exactly what I was looking for. Ok now it's time to raise the limit on my credit card and get a boatload of these tails for family and friends.

Think I'm making this up see for yourself....

Pin the Tail on the Housewife is now reality