Why Jesus Christ does not have an I Phone...

I saw Jesus the other day and he was furious. I don't think I've ever seen him this angry. Even all the sodomizing that the Vatican did never evoked this type of response.

"That's it I've F*##@#* had it with that Steve Jobs jackass"
Jesus' outburst caused several patrons in the cafe to cast disapproving glances at the son of God.

"Ever since he died I've heard nothing else but Steve Jobs this, IPhone that - even Dad is saying that Steve would have done a better job than me. But this is the last f*#@$% straw"

With that Jesus thrust a newspaper article under my nose.
"Read it!" He roared.

It was an article from the Los Angeles Times, the headline seemed to leap off the page.

Steve Jobs conducting miracles in suburban basement.

The article went on to explain how after a flood in his basement, homeowner Charles Gonzalez found the image of former Apple founder Steve Jobs in a water stain on the wall.
"I didn't think anything of it when I first saw it" Gonzalez explains "But all that changed after my wife Maria saw the image. She stroked the stain gently with her fingers and then placed her hands on her stomach. I wouldn't believe it if I did not see it for myself."

A paragraph followed about how the Gonzalez family had been trying unsuccessfully for years to have a baby. Doctors had recently stated that Maria could not have kids of her own as her ovaries where much too scarred to produce any viable eggs.

"Have you got to the part about the baby yet?" Jesus demanded

I shook my head at the son of God and continued to read...

I came to the part Jesus was talking about - it seems that after touching the water stained image of Steve Jobs and then touching her belly - a miracle had occurred. Maria's ovaries had healed and 9 months after touching the water stain in their basement, Charles and Maria Gonzalez where parents to a healthy baby boy.
"We're calling him IPod in honor of Steve Jobs and for all he did for us" Charles explained.

Soon after word of the miracle in their basement got out, the Gonzalez home was inundated with prospective parents paying for the opportunity to touch the water stained image in the hopes that they too would become pregnant.

"They called the damn kid Ipod" Jesus said "What kind of name is that? And that f#@%&*! Steve Jobs is conducting miracles from beyond the grave? What the hell is next? I'm gonna find myself out of a job if Dad gets word of this"

I looked at the son of God and shrugged my shoulders - there was nothing I could say that would reassure him. It would seem that the mythical powers of Steve Jobs know no boundaries and Jesus - the quintessential miracle worker could soon be looking for another line of work.