When people talk about child labor I summon up the image of 8 year olds, toiling for a large athletic footwear corporation and getting paid a crust of bread for a days wages.
The media has always shown child labor as a phenomenon that happens in the dark corners of impoverished nations such as Gambia or India. So you can imagine my surprise when I realized recently that the company I work for does in fact participate in the hiring of children.
I work in an industry that employs thousands of people worldwide and generates billions in dollars in revenue each year. Little of this revenue actually gets paid out to the peons or worker bees like myself toiling away anonymously in the dark.
I can only imagine it was the corporate desire for more revenue that made HR collectively turn their heads when the first 8 year old submitted their resume.
When I finally left grade school I thought that my days of dealing with snotty nosed,whiny malcontents was finally over but alas I can see that is not the case.
Whiny children have become part of the culture of the modern international corporation. Management sees the hiring of children as a "win - win" The company saves money and parents don't have to worry about day care.
How can you tell if your company is hiring children? Look for these signs
1. The Smoking Area has be made into a sandbox
2. The entire building has been "baby proofed"
3. There will be a higher number of employee temper tantrums
4. Mandatory Nap Time
5. Designated parking spots for Tricycles
Don't say I did not warn you - children are becoming a larger part of corporate culture.
One thing to remember is that large corporations will give whiny children anything they want. It's the same tactic that parents have used for decades now- "Finish the quarterly budget report and you can have some ice cream"
-sigh
March 27, 2010
Child Labor - coming soon to an office near you
March 12, 2010
Sticky Gas Pedals ensure Victory for Toyota
The news about the Toyota recall was everywhere. Here was one of the largest automobile manufacturers in the world being forced to recall millions of cars, as a result of mechanical failures like stuck accelerator pedals.
For a brand that has marketed itself on the safety and reliability of their vehicles could this recall spell the end for yet another of the worlds auto makers?
As unlikely as it seems, the worldwide recall of Toyota's due to sticking accelerators pedals has been a welcome bit of news for one department of the manufacturing behemoth.
The department - TOYOTA MOTORSPORTS. Their mandate is simple - drive fast and win races! You can find Toyota Motorsports on the NASCAR and F1 circuit.
In a recent interview a Toyota Motorsports crew chief was reported as saying "the stuck accelerator pedals could be a huge bonus for us this racing season."
"Our drivers always try to push their cars to the limit, with the stuck gas pedals we gain an important advantage over our competitors. We don't have to worry about losing any speed in the corners. We can rest easy knowing that the car will be going flat out even if the driver would prefer to drive a little slower"
Experts agree that this could very well be the year that Toyota gets the checkered flag.
For any Toyota owners out there here is some advice- get your ride race ready - get rid of the back seat, install a roll bar and fire extinguisher. Get a helmet and head out to the track.
As the head of Toyota Motorsports said recently:
"We need to embrace this dangerous mechanical malfunction not vilify it. It is only through our shoddy engineering that we will find victory at the track"
March 7, 2010
"An Intelligent Celebrity" or Sasquatch - which is real?
Well the marketing gurus over at Fleechem Uncouth Cockman and Knight are back with another campaign that will have the public eating out of their hands.
Fleecem Uncouth Cockman and Knight (now on referred to as FUCK) was the marketing firm that George Bush and his cronies used for the infamous "Weapons of Mass Destruction" campaign. The WMD campaign was seen by marketing experts as "groundbreaking" and "industry changing".
The success of the campaign was that where never any actual WMD found, but the public still bought into the concept hook line and sinker. A brilliant example of hornswoggling the public that will be referred to in marketing textbooks for years to come.
It's been a few years since their proverbial home run but FUCK is back with a campaign that will rock the very foundations of the society we live in.
Ladies and Gentlemen allow me to present the latest FUCK marketing campaign - "The Intelligent Celebrity"
Celebrities up to this point where only recognized for a few things.
If you are a male celebrity it would be your rock hard abs and chiseled jaw, and as a female it would be the size and quality of your boob job, or the latest candid crotch shot.
Now those marketing geniuses are going to convince us that we actually want to know what celebrities think. How celebrities feel about the issues that effect our lives. You know the issues - "How to lose 50 pounds in time for your leading role" and "How designer perfume is changing lives for people everywhere"
When the marketing campaign gets under way we can expect to see celebrities pedaled out on the evening news and give their opinion on current events so we, the great unwashed masses, can benefit from their wisdom(?)
Oh look tonight at 6:00 - "Paris Hilton talks about the crisis in Haiti"
Now that's hot!