Is that a Burrowing Owl in your bed?

Everywhere you look nowadays your eyes are assaulted by the advertising message of the current crop of environmental do gooders. Stop the seal hunt,Reduce Reuse Recycle,Save the Burrowing Owl - Save the Rainforest - Only you can save the planet! Bla Bla Bla -Baa Humbug I say to all of this.

Saving the planet sounds like an awful lot of work, and frankly I have other things to do at the moment. Do you really need my help? If you watch your local news there seems to be a veritable army of "Children of Yuppies" out there organizing bottle drives to save the rain-forest, or the Giant Panda.

If those little do gooders made more efficient use of their time and gave up little things like homework and chores, I'm positive that great progress could be made to save the planet. When the "Children of Yuppies" get organized you would not be forced rely on me - a cynical product of a consumer society - to save mankind.

I mean if I am to help save the world you would want me to give up my gas guzzling SUV and start driving a rickshaw. Um no thanks. My SUV is a symbol of my climb up the corporate ladder and my membership in the "Organization of Lemmings"

To be honest with you, my arteries are much too clogged with saturated fats for me to be able to walk up the stairs, let along operate a rickshaw. And another fact that the environmental crusaders neglect to tell you is that "Chicks" are not impressed with rickshaws.



I need to have all the trappings of excess if I am to have any success with females. Females are so impressed with shiny baubles - think De Beers Diamonds. I've spent too much time chasing that elusive cheese to have acquired any social graces, and I find that I am forced to compensate with an SUV, plasma TV, and butt lifts if I want to impress anyone.

So thank you very much, children of environmentally conscious parents - but I will neglect your offer to help save the planet. My SUV helps me get "lucky" and frankly us men are shallow like that. What good is a Burrowing Owl to you when you have fashion model in your bed?

Exactly - no further questions your honor.