Parents wash daughters mouth out with soap and get arrested!
The media is full of stories like these. Stories of parents who use "tough love" techniques in an attempt to discipline their brood of foul mouthed malcontents. These stories never end well for the parents involved. They are usually dragged off to work in a chain gang as a result of an anonymous call to the authorities from a "concerned citizen".
Perhaps you are a parent of a foul mouthed malcontent, or maybe you work with one. Well you can now rest easy knowing that Big Brother has officially entered the child discipline business.
I'm not talking about a Dick Cheney approved Water Boarding kit for little Billy, but rather a 1- 800 number that has been set up for parents to call to get guidance on disciplining their own children.
If we believe the Government's literature on this program they state;
"Parents who are afraid to discipline their children for fear of being arrested can now speak to a certified child law expert. Our experts will let concerned parents know the appropriate level of discipline they can administer for each specific situation."
"Let the punishment fit the crime"
"This hurts me more then it hurts you"
"Spare the rod and spoil the child"
"These are not just phrases from days gone by, but they are an integral part of this departments approach and mandate when it comes to our nation's children"
They have a sample list of appropriate disciplinary responses for some of the more common scenarios. I have included a few below.
Situation: Child throws tantrum in large department store - out of sight of both concerned citizens and security cameras.
Response: Spank the child - place offending party over your knee and strike buttocks firmly until child repents.
Situation: Child throws tantrum in large department store in front of a camera crew from the local TV station.
Response: Hug the offending party - rub their back or head in a reassuring way - make sure the camera crew sees you being such a good parent. Under your breath tell the child that you will be opening up a good old fashioned can o' whoop ass when you get home.
Hmm this is interesting - in the fine print at the bottom of all the legal mumbo jumbo I saw this phrase...
"The techniques and methods applied here are property of the US Government and Guantanamo Bay Naval Base and can not be modified or altered without the written consent of Richard Cheney"
Big Brother - always looking out for our best interests.
8 comments:
There were children at Gitmo?!
Mooog - that it the true beauty of this system - it works on both children and imprisoned "freedom fighters" And Omar Khadr was a kid when he first got to Gitmo
What if you have an eight year old who weights about 250 pounds? If there are no body builders in sight, how would you go about picking up the child and disciplining them?
CB - I'm thinking that if you have an eight year old weighing over 250 pounds it's safe to say they are a regular customer of McDonalds - so you need to threaten your child with leafy green vegetables --shudder - any connoisseur of trans fats will do most anything to avoid vegetables
I think we are getting closer and closer to George Orwells predictions everyday. Did anyone read the article on parents being required to sedate their children for travel on airlines? Why restrict it to your holiday travel? Sedate them everyday! AND, be sure and use your 2 minutes of hate allowed per day to open that can...
Signed
Pro spanking.
Janet - I think we already are sedating children all the time - look at how many kids are on Ritalin now - a drug that was subscribed to take the "edge off" the child and make them calmer - WTF??
We get 2 minutes of hate a day? Can we stockpile those 2 minutes so we can seriously go postal?
Can these techniques be modified to correct the behaviour of unruly seniors as well?
Well the government is everywhere else why not have them telling us how to discipline the little brats? And hey, form a committee while they're at it. Cause I sure as shit don't know how to raise my own kid.
Post a Comment