Involuntary muscle control - to explain this in it's simplest form is muscles in the body that we do not control consciously. Muscles such as the pupils in our eyes, the muscles involved in breathing and of course the sphincter.
This idea of involuntary muscle control in the body, has become so routine for us that it does not even seem worth mentioning, but consider for a moment if one day you had to consciously control the muscles in your body that you currently do on autopilot. What effect would that have on your day to day exist?
I'm being honest here but I think if I had to consciously control my sphincter at all moments of the day, I 'm sure to mess my pants with great regularity. A lot of problems come up in the course of the day that demand all my attention, and as we know the sphincter does not like to be ignored. You can imagine the scene, your boss comes up to you and asks for your opinion on the company 3rd quarter numbers, you glance down at the sheet and try to make sense of the jumble of numbers and for that one short instant you lost control of your sphincter. Chaos ensues.
You think being at work would be bad, but imagine your commute. There are a lot of things happening on the road that require our full attention. Having your full attention on the road means you're not concentrating on your sphincter, I'm sure you know the rest.
So take a moment and stop whatever you are doing, and say a silent pray to St.Cloaca, the patron saint of sphincters. Thank him for his continued attention to detail.
7 comments:
Thank you. Thank you so much for reminding me of the fact that this might happen to me some day -- with an increasing probability of it happening the older I get, and I'm not a young guy. Of course, being a major worrier, I have fretted about it already. In fact, I raised it indirectly in my own blog just the other day.
Do you know if anybody sells a futures contract on Depends so I can hedge against adult diaper inflation? I'm just asking.
Now, if you'll excuse me I have to commence obsessing over my sphincter and bladder.
Joel - not sure about futures on Depends but I'd suggest checking your local flyers for sales and then buying in bulk.
Causing people to obsess about their sphincter and bladder is just one of the many services we provide here at "Out of the mouth of Dave"
Dave, congratulations. You have stimulated my brain. You've actually made me "think" of something that I always took for granted and really never gave a brief thought to..sphincter muscles. Incredible.
Don,
I apologize for making you think and on Thanksgiving too of all days.
Huzzah for the sphincter...
You raise a good point about the sphincter, but if I had to consciously control my involuntary muscles I think I'd be a little more worried about my heart...
Just an FYI We older women worry about that sudden sneeze as we are meeting the king of Prussia and pissing all over ourselves. I have a major holding in Depends, so if they are needed by anyone I have them.
Mrsmouthy - the heart - oh yeah, can't forget that - knew it was good for something ;)
Ettarose - I think a reliance on Depends is a reality for not just older women but I fear Humor Bloggers as well. We'll be re- reading a brilliant piece of prose, feel a giggle turn to a chuckle, the chuckle turn to a chortle, and soon you've dissolved to a laughing mass of excrement covered humorist...One of the many perils of the job I am willing to accept
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