I'm sure by now everyone is aware of the whole TSA screening debacle. Let me summarize for those who are not- Minimum wage TSA employees have been accused of groping travelers. Running their hands over women's breasts and touching male travelers "junk". All this press has had a negative impact on the TSA and put a bad taste in the air travelers mouth.
Late night talk show hosts now joke about going to the airport for a "quickie". The TSA should take the bull by the proverbial horns and mine this publicity goldmine for all it's worth.
I propose that the TSA hire celebrity look a likes to pat down air travelers. What woman would refuse to have Johnny Depp run his hands over her breasts? and what man is going to refuse having Pamela Anderson touch his junk? Exactly, none!
The setup would be similar to what you see in brothels. Upon entering the security area there would be a line up of candidates to pat you down. A smorgasbord or buffet if you please.
The women, and even some of the men I suppose, could choose to be patted down/ groped by Brad Pitt, or George Clooney and there would always be a seething , teeming mass of teenage girls for the Justin Bieber look a like.
For the men, the line up for the large breasted, mini skirt wearing schoolgirl, would always be a long one regardless of when you fly. But if you plan your itinerary correctly, it could be possible to get your junk groped by a Kim Kardashian or Scarlet Johnannsen look a like prior to departing for that important sales meeting or family reunion.
There of course would be no additional fee for this service as it is already included in your exorbitant ticket price.
I guess it's possible that more people may start flying, and the line ups would get even longer at the airport. And I suppose you may also have those people who deliberately have contraband taped to their body in the hopes that they will be pulled over for a more "intimate session" with their fantasy TSA agent.
Oh and for all our Muslim friends, the TSA has applied a liberal dose of irony. If you are a member of the Muslim faith the TSA has deemed it appropriate that you are groped by Salman Rushdie.
This certainly looks like it will be a very interesting holiday travel season.
