People say that every cloud has a silver lining and the gray cloud of rising childhood obesity is no exception. How can an increase in number of obese children have any positive impact at all? Allow me to explain.
The spike in childhood obesity is due to the fact that kids today are much more sedentary than previous generations. Kids now play video games instead of road hockey, they spend their days "tweeting" and "Facebooking" instead of building tree forts and playing "Cowboys and Native American Casino Owners".
Of course this sedentary lifestyle means that our kids are packing on the pounds especially when you add in the high fat, high sugar snack foods they gorge on during their all night sessions of World of Warcraft.
So with all this going on where the hell is the silver lining?
Well you see it's quite simple really - Pedophiles don't like fat kids!
A controversial Vatican based research program studied the habits of pedophiles and found out that the vast majority of pedophiles do not find pudgy, portly, obese children attractive at all.
This ground breaking research study shows that pedophiles are not much different than ourselves - other than the fact they have sex with children - but pedophiles like a partner who takes care of themselves and hasn't gone to pot with love handles and beer bellies at the age of twelve.
What is today's parent supposed to do with this information? Should they continue to keep their children safe inside away from pedophiles and have them gorge on Cheetos knowing that childhood diabetes is not far away? Or should they throw out the X boxes and video games and force their children play outside at the mercy of the roving gangs of pedophiles?
Playing outside sounds crazy but kids used to do it years ago. My suggestion is to throw out the X Boxes and video games. To protect their children against pedophiles they can simply not have their children go anywhere near any of the following;
Priests, Sport Coaches, Cub Scout Leaders, Barbers, Butchers, Candlestick makers....
Oh yeah as a final safety measure any truly loving parent should buy their children a Glock 9. Nothing says "I Love you" like a handgun.
